As classes come to a close, some professors like to lighten up their
classes a little.  One I know used a dart board for a demonstration with 
student involvment.  After class the next professor came in, saw the dartboard
and quipped "It's a little early to be grading isn't it?"

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

I was driving today down Highway 101 in Marin County when I passed
a Volvo festooned, as is the local custom, with a bumper sticker on the
painted portion of the trunk lid.  It read:

LOBOTOMIES FOR ALL REPUBLICANS: IT'S THE LAW!

You know, I always *wondered* where Democrats came from.

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

My 3-year-old second cousin recently showed us the dangers of religion at
too early an age by saying:

"I know Jesus loves me 'cause Fievel tells me so."

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

The City University of Newcastle upon Tyne story reminded me of the
following (true, sexaul):

Three years ago, there was a fishing event in Houston, TX, called the
Texas Woman Anglers' Tournament.  I never saw it referred to by its
acronym, and as far as I know it hasn't been repeated.

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

I occasionally work as a soloist at a neighborhood church (which shall
remain nameless).  Last week, the musicians received a memo from the
minister detailing the sermon topics for the coming months.  The memo
included the following:

"Please try to select special music which reflects the theme of the
service as indicated below.  I will appreciate any suggestions you have
for relevant hymns and for other musical or liturgical arrangements."

I was supposed to sing the solo on Mother's Day.  The theme of the service?
"The Agony of Abortion".

So, uh, anybody know any good relevant hymns for the agony of abortion?

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

Sign seen at a burger joint on Harvard Avenue, Tulsa, Oklahoma:

   Ty's Hamburgers. Over 2 Dozen Sold.

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

Seen on a chat system (I really saw it):

    OK, stupid question time.  The etter before m on my keyboard is broken.
    How do I ogout?

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

I friend reports seeing the following graffiti on a hand drier in
a public restroom:

Push button for a message from your congressman.

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

i noticed in the supermarket recently:
  Reader's Digest this week has an article about "chastity in the 1990s"
  it begins on page 69

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

Seen on a bumper sticker:

   metaphors be with you

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

Recently at the Ohio State University, there was a big deal made of 
whether or not the faculty should have final editorial review over the student 
editors.  The decision was yes, and much of the editorial staff quit, and 
started another paper called the Independent.

Here is a front page headline from the Lantern, epitomizing the 
overall quality that the faculty has brought to the paper:

"OSU Academy requires rape, cultural training"

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

At a friend's - yes he's still a friend - stag party
this weekend we heard of a couple of stories that
happened to some of his friends.

You've no doubt heard of the bridegroom being
despatched on the overnight sleeper to Inverness
etc. well Jon had a friend in the fishing industry; a
well-hungover groom was a little stressed to find
himself the morning after on a trawler in the
middle of the North Sea.....

Another couple thought, quite incorrectly, that
they had managed to keep the location of their
wedding night hotel a secret. Not only had
someone found the hotel but they'd
managed to acquire the keys. Come the morning
after, in walks the waiter:
``will that be breakfast for two?''
...
``you couldn't make that three could you'' 
- from beneath the bed!!

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

Observed on a whiteboard where I work:

"If you don't want an entity, delete it.
 If it doesn't come back, it was yours.
 If it comes back, it wasn't yours to delete anyway."
 -- Knowledgeware Greeting Cards
 
        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

I just saw this billboard on the way home yesterday, which is 1 mile from the 
Massachusettes State Police barracks:

"Hope you get a ticket on the way home tonight."
Massachusettes State Lottery

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

I saw this in a local grocery store in Queens:

"We give credit only to those 80 years or over".
"Then only" (in big bold letters) "when accompanied
 by their parents".
 
        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

Truth in Advertising

Our Sears is undergoing a massive remodeling, which means everything in the
store is someplace else, like the men's socks with the luggage.  However,
they didn't bother moving the ceiling signs.  When they moved the women's 
lingerie, the sign above the new spot was probably more accurate 
than they wanted:

 MEN'S SPORTSWEAR

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

Berkshire Eagle, October 7, 1993 page A3 (An AP story from Boston):

Guns in the home found to increase risk of death
------------------------------------------------
People who keep guns at home nearly triple their chances of being murdered,
usually by friends or relatives, but fail to protect themselves from
intruders ...

The article goes on to describe how the study was conducted, summarizes
aspects of the population cross sections and conclusions of the study,
and concludes with a refutation by a representative of the NRA:

However, Paul Blackman, research coordinator at the National Rifle
Association, criticized the study ...
"These people were highly susceptible to homicide," he said.
"We know that because they were killed."

I wish I had said that.