Sudbury, Ont. - Cleaners who used an industrial-strength vacuum to clean air
ducts at a local home were surprised to learn that their vacuum had sucked
up a cat named Pebbles.  "We got a call from one of my guys that the
truck was meowing," said Colin Firth, owner of Sudbury Air Duct Cleaning
Systems.  Firth said he thought the workers were joking until Pebbles's owner
Kristina Anderson called to say her cat had been missing since the ducts
were cleaned.

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In their book, Optoelectronics, An Introduction, J. Wilson and J. F. B Hawkes
explain, "The laser, despite its name, is more analogous to an oscillator
than an amplifier."  A few pages earlier they say, "The word `laser' is
an acronym for `Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation'."
Why this misnomer?  Can you imagine "Light Oscillation by Stimulated 
Emission of Radiation?"  Who would name their invention "LOSER?"

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Connie Howard told me this, and claims that it's true,
that she knows the victim:

The new parents, sophisticated music lovers, decided that their baby
should grow up loving the atonal classical music of the 20th century.
So they decided that positive reinforcement conditioning was the best
way to do this.  Whenever they fed the baby, they would play
Schoenberg, or Ives, or other modern music like that.  Well, it
certainly did have an effect:  to this day, that child (now grown)
hates milk.

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Here's the menu of choices seen at ATM in Cupertino, CA. on 5/22/91:

	Deposit ----------> 

	Account Balance -->

	Get Gash --------->

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When I recently received a disk/tape expansion unit from Sun, it included a
single page which read as follows:

"Read Me First VCCI 1
 --------------------

 This is a Read Me First (RMF) for this Sun product. This document contains the
 Voluntary Control Council for Interference Class 1 (VCCI 1) statement in
 JAPANESE which should be read before powering up this Sun product"
                ------	

Unfortunately, I can't read a word of Japanese.

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BEIJING [UPI] -- Premier Li Peng Tuesday threatened painful
economic retaliation if China loses its MFN trade status with the
US, warning the low-tariff agreement is a "two-way street."

Li was speaking to several hundred foreign business
representatives, diplomats and journalists at a dinner given at
Diaoyutai, China's state guesthouse.  Although more than 100
foreign journalists were invited to the speech, Chinese officials
expressly forbade them to ask questions.

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Seen while walking in an Atlanta area mall Sunday...

At the local hair salon, a bargain on 'Virgin Relaxer -- $25'

And, seen on a billboard while driving _to_ the aforementioned mall....

Father's Day Special at the local clinic -- Vasectomy!

The whole car died laughing...

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I heard a public advocacy lawyer speak on "A Journey to Justice"
recently.  He said when he looked up justice in a standard reference for
lawyers, "justice" took two sentences.  The phrase, "just compensation", 
took almost an entire page.

Somehow, this didn't surprise me.

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As told by a coworker (overheard from a woman contemplating the purchase
of a waterproof watch rated for 100 meters):

"I don't know, I usually swim farther than that..."

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Told to me by a friend of a friend to whom this supposedly happened...

Seems the husband was about to be shipped off to Saudi Arabia to
participate in Desert Shield.  Apparently condoms are very useful in
keeping sand out of the barrel of one's rifle. So the husband (in
uniform) and wife went to the drug store to buy a box of condoms.
While they were standing in the checkout line, the wife said

  "I think you should take two boxes. You might be over there a long
   time"

At this point, an old lady standing next to them stepped up to the
wife, put a hand on her shoulder and, while slowly shaking her head,
said,

    "Honey, you're the most understanding wife I have ever seen."

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My fellow graduate student, Derek Whitelock, told me this story.  It actually 
happened.

Derek has a half-brother, Gordon, who is about five years old.  One Sunday 
after church, they were visiting with their pastor.  The pastor asked 
the boy, "Gordon, when you grow up, do you want to go to Texas A&M like your 
brother?"

Gordon answered, "No sir.  I want to go to college."

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"Sudden death may occur without warning. Call a physician immediately."

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =

i've just seen this on a van (belonging to a building company):

              Guaranteed Satisfaction with every erection!