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>                             THE DEER HUNTER
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>  1:00 am - Alarm clock rings.
>  2:00 am - Hunting partner arrives - drags you out of bed.
>  3:00 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup.
>  3:05 am - Leave for the deep woods.
>  3:15 am - Drive back home and pick up gun.
>  3:30 am - Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.
>  4:00 am - Set up camp - forgot the tent.
>  4:30 am - Head into the woods.
>  6:05 am - See eight deer.
>  6:06 am - Take aim and squeeze trigger.
>  6:07 am - "Click".
>  6:08 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.
>  8:00 am - Head back to camp.
>  9:00 am - Still looking for camp.
>  10:00 am - Realize you don't know where camp is.
>  Noon -  Fire gun for help - eat wild berries.
>  12:15 pm - Ran out of bullets - eight deer come back.
>  12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach.
>  12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison berries.
>  12:45 pm - Rescued.
>  12:55 pm - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.
>  3:00 pm - Arrived back in camp.
>  3:30 pm - leave camp to kill deer.
>  4:00 pm - Return to camp for bullets.
>  4:01 pm - Load gun - leave camp again.
>  5:00 pm - Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you.
>  6:00 pm - Arrive at camp - see deer grazing in camp.
>  6:01 pm - Load gun.
>  6:02 pm - Fire gun.
>  6:03 pm - One dead pickup truck.
>  6:05 pm - Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
>  6:06 pm - Repress strong desire to shoot partner.
>  6:07 pm - Fall into fire.
>  6:10 pm - Change clothes - throw burned ones into fire.
>  6:15 pm - Take pickup - leave partner and his deer in the woods.
>  6:25 pm - Pickup boils over - hole shot in block.
>  6:26 pm - Start walking.
>  6:30 pm - Stumble and fall - drop gun in the mud.
>  6:35 pm - Meet bear.
>  6:36 pm - Take aim.
>  6:37 pm - Fire gun - blow up barrel plugged with mud.
>  6:38 pm - Make mess in pants.
>  6:39 pm - Climb tree.
>  9:00 pm - Beer departs - wrap %&*$#@ gun around tree.
>  Midnight - Home at last.
>  Next day - Watch football games on TV,
>             slowly tearing hunting license
>             into little pieces - place in
>             envelope and mail to Game Warden
>             with very clear instructions on
>             where to place it.